a weekend that left an impact...

I love those days, weekends, moments in life that you never forget, those times when God meets you right where you are. you can feel His presence beside you and you know you will never be the same...
that was one of those times last weekend.

we went up to the haft for the weekend, left our precious baby girl at home with family, and went and spent the weekend basking in Gog's presence.

I did not know what the weekend was going to bring, retreats always change my life and bring things to the surface that I did not know where there...
so I wasn't sure if I was nervous about going to this retreat, but I knew that God would come thru one way or another..
and He did!!

we got up Friday evening and the sign at the end of the driveway read.. "anticipating the Holy Spirit".
I looked at my hubby and said "wow".
we had communion and shared how we got to where we are at the moment.
the next morning we started our sessions, and I'm sitting there thinking this is so not for me..
my walls where up, I did not want to go to those deep, dark places that I knew hurt.
we had an opportunity to break free from anything that was holding us back from experiencing the Holy Spirit.
not sure how I ended up on the floor, I just knew I wanted to be free...
I started breaking free from things and the tears just flowed.. and for me tears don't come easy. I can handle things, I'm strong, I don't want people to see me as weak. that was me...
I don't want to be like that. I want to feel. I want the Holy Spirit to dwell within the inner most parts of my being. I can be strong in the spirit and have tears streaming down my face. tears are not a sign of weakness, there a sign of "feeling".
so let the tears just flow...

those who know me well know that tears don't just come easily, so to be there on the floor tears just flowing... walls were coming down and God was revealing things to me I didn't know were there.
Thank you Jesus!!

God showed me that I can have an intimate relationship with Him.
He is my Father, He is my Abba Daddy, He is the one who takes care of me, nurtures me, loves me,
I always viewed God as in heaven.
now I see and feel and feel God the Father, my Abba Daddy right beside me.
He will sit with me at the riverside and listen to my heart.
I can climb in His lap and let Him hold me...
the Holy Spirit is right here with me, not just up in Heaven. 
His presence is with me, and more real to me than ever before.
so thankful that, that was revealed to me.

so then the rest of the day the teachings of the Holy Spirit made a way into my heart, soul and mind, and inter being like never before. to feel that feeling of warmth come over you and God speaking to me and telling me "I'm enough".
He loves me, I'm His daughter, I can trust Him, He will never leave me, and that He is well pleased with me, was amazing..
me as a girl/woman I always felt like I was not good enough, why would anyone want to know me, spend time with me, listen to what I have to say, I know that it came from me as a little girl wanting my moms approval, and no matter what I did, it was never enough. so I stopped trying, and let that damage ma and so I viewed women as people I couldn't trust and I did not let them get close to me, and my guard was always up. so when I walked in to a group of women immediately I could feel myself clamping up.
I felt like whatever I had to say didn't matter and they didn't care, my words would never be good enough.
God revealed it to me couple months ago that I needed to break free from that.
then this past weekend He helped me break free from that.
I now know and fully believe that I am good enough, because my Father loves me just the way I am...
I am good enough for him..
and I also realized that it was affecting my relationship with my husband. sometimes I did not fell like I was enough, and I came to realize that God loves me unconditionally, I am important to Him, I can trust Him, I am good enough for Him, and I am not a disappointment to Him, and I do not have to fear tomorrow or the future because He holds me in His hands.
so if I believe that with all my heart, and strive to live for God and have the Holy Spirit dwelling within me..
I know that I am enough for my husband, my daughter, my family, my friends, and the people I meet.

so I rejoice and praise God for this past weekend and for the people I got to meet, and for allowing God to work thru them.
because God touched and revealed many things in my heart and soul this past weekend.

so my advice to you is..
go and find good Godly people and surround yourself in them.
and let the Father be your Abba Daddy...