Performance...

am I driven by performance?
do I live by performance?
do you?

do I feel the need to seek approval from people in my life?
and who am I performing for and why?

do I seek approval from God?

the past week I have come to realize that I happen to perform for God, I want God's approval and love. I felt like I have to do things a certain way for God.
I have been listening to Casting Crowns "just be held" song, (amazing song), its say if your tired and on your knees with no answers, just be held...
I don't have to always figure it out and have the answers for it all, I can just allow God to hold me, to be His child..
to come before my Father broken, unfixed, complicated, wounded, frazzled...

because He loves me...

my Fathers love is hard for me to grasp, I could sit all day and talk about how He loves me/us.
He really and truly just wants us to love Him...(period)

we don't have to pray more,
give more,
love more,
worship more,
we don't have to perform for God to love us,
we just love Him with all our being.
that is beautiful and amazing!!
we don't have to do certain things for God to love us..
to receive the Fathers love we can just love and be held...

so does just loving God look big, does it look scary,
do you know how to love, truly and deeply love?
is your heart soft and vulnerable or is it hard and doesn't let anyone in?
do you feel emotions or do you not feel at all?

God created us to love and to be loved....

but do we know how?

were we hurt so many times in the past that its easier to not feel things so people cant hurt us, were we betrayed by those closest to us, so now we don't let anyone close, not even God...
were you ever told your beautiful?
that you arte special just because you are you?
have your parents, family, friends looked you in the eye and told you that you are loved...
or do you feel like you are living day by day, closed hearted and hurt...
are you the person who looks at the happy families at the grocery store, mall, restaurant and think 'if only', with a sad longing look on your face.

because you want more...
you want to be loved,
you want to feel loved,
you want to be/feel special,
you desire to be called beautiful...

God created us to have those desires, He created woman to desire those these things. did He create us to seek from others and the world these things?
it means a lot when my husband and family/friends let me know I am loved/special/beautiful...

but God the Father desires us to look to Him to be fulfilled...
He wants us to love Him...
to just love Him...

we want and long for others to just love us, to notice our hearts...
God wants the same thing from us, He wants us to love and cling to Him...
He is our all...
we don't have to perform for God,
He is our performer...

life your hands to the God who holds your heart....

 

 

our baby girl is one...

how does it happen so fast?
so as her 1st birthday came and went, I was reminiscing over the last two yrs. the yr we found out I was pregnant was an exciting and scary time, the thoughts of,
 am I ready and able to be a mommy?
how do I be a mommy,
I don't just want to be a mommy, I want to be the best mommy.
and Lord am I really mommy material?

God put people in my life that fall and winter to walk with me thru those days, and He showed me that thru Him all things are possible.
my sister was pregnant at the time also, so that was amazing and awesome to have her waddling beside me :).

                                                        2 weeks old

                                                      with cousin Brooklyn

                                                         4 weeks old

                                              





 3 months old

                                                           6 months old

                                        she is our sunshine, and brings so much joy into our lives...

 

                                               9 months old

                                  
                                              Christmas time

 

 

her 1st steps...
so much fun watching her truck around...

            we gave her a cupcake, and she was not impressed. she did not like the flame, she we didn't want the cupcake... was ok by me.

 

                                            she was thrilled with her presents!!

 

 

old year old...

                                          

 

she is a blessing in our lives, and we have grown so much since she has been a part of our family.                                                                                     

 

she has taught me patience,

and not everything has to be done right away, or if my cleaning does not get done, it is perfectly fine..

I have learned it is more important to read her a book then clean my floor..

"if I want to be a memory in her life 2morrw I have to be in it today."

 

she loves to read books,

when we push her around on her riding toy

give her wagon rides,

playing with legos,

and she started repeating things we say,

she loves playing with her dolls,

she is not the girly, dress me up girl, so does not like when I change her clothes, she would rather just stay in her pajamas all day....

does this momma good, because I love to dress her up and make her look all girly, and she is happy with something comfy :)

God is showing us how to be parents, we will not be perfect, but we want to do the best we can and know how...

being a mommy has taught me so much!

and I can not imagine life without her...

 

so any parenting tips that have been a blessing in your childs life, and you want to share. I would love to hear them...