that moment of truth...


words can build us up,
words can tear us down.

the moment when someone looks into your eyes and tells you the raw honest truth, and that raw honest truth hurts..
it doesn't build you up,
it tears you down. you want to deny it with all that's within you, but you cant. and the battle within you starts...

one is telling you that you are a failure,
and another is telling you that He allowed this moment to happen for a reason. its the reason we need to cling to no matter how hard it is to see past the moment of pain and into the future where it will all make perfect sense...
because we are not failures, we all make mistakes, but we have the Father who promises us that He will be our strength when we're down, and we don't have to carry the weight of those moments alone.

so that moment of raw honesty and truth..
how will you let it define me..
will you rise up and allow the Father to continue molding you and helping you to climb the rungs of the ladder.
or will you fall down in defeat and tell yourself your a failure, and fill our minds with negative thoughts...

and then you sit down and let those raw honest words sink into your soul,
and you bow your head humbly and let your Father, you Daddy hold you...
and you see clearly the root of it all..
but then what...
do we let the battle begin to rage within you again?
do we begin to deny the truth, because we are scared of that stronghold in our life...
or do we stay there on our knees and humbly raise our hands to the Father and allow Him to take  our pain,
to take our strongholds,
to take our burdens..
and praise Him in the storm..

if we praise Him in the storm there is always that refreshment that comes after storms, the clouds break away and the Son will shine thru...

A Mothers Heart...

A Mother is someone who keeps loving when it makes no sense because that's what love does... Ann Voskamp

I have been given the honor to be a mom to a beautiful daughter, she is truly amazing and so much fun, she is the joy of our life and brings sunshine to our dark days, God gave us a piece of heaven when He gave us Keira...
we are so grateful and thankful for her..
but by giving us Keira, He made me a mommy.
A Mother....

what does a mother look like...
what does it feel like...
is it a duty...
is it a joy.. 
is there laughter...
is it frustrating...
is it trying...
why did God choose you and me to be mothers?

is motherhood an honor?
do we count it an honor that God choose us to raise the next generation? He looked down and saw you and said yes, it is good, she is able.
she is strong,
she is faithful,
she has courage,
she has love to give,
and I will give her more love than she ever thought possible to have,
and I will be her Rock when everything is chaos.
look to me daughter,
I have you this role, I gave you this child.
you are able,
you have more backbone than some leaders.
I know you will fight til the end for your child.
I gave you a fierce instinct of loving and protecting and fighting for your children, and knowing what that child needs when everyone else is throwing up their hands and asking, what is it they want! we just know...
Thank You Jesus!!

I am truly grateful for all my mommy friends and my sisters. you ladies have a huge impact on my life, I love watching you mother.
at times when I'm around you I could just watch you with your children,
because God gave you a gift.. and your using it.. Praise the Lord!
its beautiful and refreshing to watch, and to see you bring out the gifts and talents in your children.
I love the unique ways each mother does parenting.
I have learned so much from being around you ladies and from watching you, and I'm still watching :).  (no pressure). :)

so Momma's lets fight a good fight, lets finish the race, lets remain faithful. 2 timothy 4:7. all for Him!!

what will our children remember about us...
will they remember how you lavished love on them...
the countless books you read to them and that one favorite that is barely readable..
the games you played with them over and over again...
the same puzzle that finds it way on the table day after day...
the kisses that don't stop being planted on chubby cheeks...
the bobo's that you kissed and blew away...
the moments when momma takes them in her arms and tells them its all gonna be ok.

when you say its all gonna be ok...
are you wanting to at that moment scream at the world who made your child question?
but you will make everything ok, because our God is bigger than the world, and He gave the role as a mommy. it was no mistake.
God gave you a strong heart,
a heart that can endure so much more than you ever thought possible.

I love when mom's are honest, when you share those moments that make the rest of us smile and say, we are normal! my child is normal! its called parenting. whew! :)

and ladies, us younger mom's need to hear those moments when your child asked you a difficult question,
that moment when you wanted to throw your hands in the air, but God came thru,
that moment when tears welled up in your eyes because of a sweet your child made, that made being a mom worth every moment,
that moment when your child looked you in the eye and you knew, you just knew it was God telling you, your doing great, you are loved!
we need you ladies to share stories with us,
so we can run the race with you, and finish faithful and strong.

because when I hear my sisters or a mom share her child's joys, stories, quirks it builds something within me, it makes me realize that its ok to laugh when your child does something out of the ordinary, and to cherish that silly moment, or the spills on the floor.
so, Thank you for sharing your motherhood,
Thank you for being honest,
Thank you for planting joy and character in your child,
Thank you for saying yes to the mommy role,
because,
you are a great mom!
you are a special mom!
you are a mom that cannot be replaced!
you are a gift!!

you are that mom that says yes even tho
 you know every yes means a mess, but this is how you bless...

Happy Mothers Day Ladies!!

     Performance...

am I driven by performance?
do I live by performance?
do you?

do I feel the need to seek approval from people in my life?
and who am I performing for and why?

do I seek approval from God?

the past week I have come to realize that I happen to perform for God, I want God's approval and love. I felt like I have to do things a certain way for God.
I have been listening to Casting Crowns "just be held" song, (amazing song), its say if your tired and on your knees with no answers, just be held...
I don't have to always figure it out and have the answers for it all, I can just allow God to hold me, to be His child..
to come before my Father broken, unfixed, complicated, wounded, frazzled...

because He loves me...

my Fathers love is hard for me to grasp, I could sit all day and talk about how He loves me/us.
He really and truly just wants us to love Him...(period)

we don't have to pray more,
give more,
love more,
worship more,
we don't have to perform for God to love us,
we just love Him with all our being.
that is beautiful and amazing!!
we don't have to do certain things for God to love us..
to receive the Fathers love we can just love and be held...

so does just loving God look big, does it look scary,
do you know how to love, truly and deeply love?
is your heart soft and vulnerable or is it hard and doesn't let anyone in?
do you feel emotions or do you not feel at all?

God created us to love and to be loved....

but do we know how?

were we hurt so many times in the past that its easier to not feel things so people cant hurt us, were we betrayed by those closest to us, so now we don't let anyone close, not even God...
were you ever told your beautiful?
that you arte special just because you are you?
have your parents, family, friends looked you in the eye and told you that you are loved...
or do you feel like you are living day by day, closed hearted and hurt...
are you the person who looks at the happy families at the grocery store, mall, restaurant and think 'if only', with a sad longing look on your face.

because you want more...
you want to be loved,
you want to feel loved,
you want to be/feel special,
you desire to be called beautiful...

God created us to have those desires, He created woman to desire those these things. did He create us to seek from others and the world these things?
it means a lot when my husband and family/friends let me know I am loved/special/beautiful...

but God the Father desires us to look to Him to be fulfilled...
He wants us to love Him...
to just love Him...

we want and long for others to just love us, to notice our hearts...
God wants the same thing from us, He wants us to love and cling to Him...
He is our all...
we don't have to perform for God,
He is our performer...

life your hands to the God who holds your heart....

 

 

our baby girl is one...

how does it happen so fast?
so as her 1st birthday came and went, I was reminiscing over the last two yrs. the yr we found out I was pregnant was an exciting and scary time, the thoughts of,
 am I ready and able to be a mommy?
how do I be a mommy,
I don't just want to be a mommy, I want to be the best mommy.
and Lord am I really mommy material?

God put people in my life that fall and winter to walk with me thru those days, and He showed me that thru Him all things are possible.
my sister was pregnant at the time also, so that was amazing and awesome to have her waddling beside me :).

                                                        2 weeks old

                                                      with cousin Brooklyn

                                                         4 weeks old

                                              





 3 months old

                                                           6 months old

                                        she is our sunshine, and brings so much joy into our lives...

 

                                               9 months old

                                  
                                              Christmas time

 

 

her 1st steps...
so much fun watching her truck around...

            we gave her a cupcake, and she was not impressed. she did not like the flame, she we didn't want the cupcake... was ok by me.

 

                                            she was thrilled with her presents!!

 

 

old year old...

                                          

 

she is a blessing in our lives, and we have grown so much since she has been a part of our family.                                                                                     

 

she has taught me patience,

and not everything has to be done right away, or if my cleaning does not get done, it is perfectly fine..

I have learned it is more important to read her a book then clean my floor..

"if I want to be a memory in her life 2morrw I have to be in it today."

 

she loves to read books,

when we push her around on her riding toy

give her wagon rides,

playing with legos,

and she started repeating things we say,

she loves playing with her dolls,

she is not the girly, dress me up girl, so does not like when I change her clothes, she would rather just stay in her pajamas all day....

does this momma good, because I love to dress her up and make her look all girly, and she is happy with something comfy :)

God is showing us how to be parents, we will not be perfect, but we want to do the best we can and know how...

being a mommy has taught me so much!

and I can not imagine life without her...

 

so any parenting tips that have been a blessing in your childs life, and you want to share. I would love to hear them...

 

 



a weekend that left an impact...

I love those days, weekends, moments in life that you never forget, those times when God meets you right where you are. you can feel His presence beside you and you know you will never be the same...
that was one of those times last weekend.

we went up to the haft for the weekend, left our precious baby girl at home with family, and went and spent the weekend basking in Gog's presence.

I did not know what the weekend was going to bring, retreats always change my life and bring things to the surface that I did not know where there...
so I wasn't sure if I was nervous about going to this retreat, but I knew that God would come thru one way or another..
and He did!!

we got up Friday evening and the sign at the end of the driveway read.. "anticipating the Holy Spirit".
I looked at my hubby and said "wow".
we had communion and shared how we got to where we are at the moment.
the next morning we started our sessions, and I'm sitting there thinking this is so not for me..
my walls where up, I did not want to go to those deep, dark places that I knew hurt.
we had an opportunity to break free from anything that was holding us back from experiencing the Holy Spirit.
not sure how I ended up on the floor, I just knew I wanted to be free...
I started breaking free from things and the tears just flowed.. and for me tears don't come easy. I can handle things, I'm strong, I don't want people to see me as weak. that was me...
I don't want to be like that. I want to feel. I want the Holy Spirit to dwell within the inner most parts of my being. I can be strong in the spirit and have tears streaming down my face. tears are not a sign of weakness, there a sign of "feeling".
so let the tears just flow...

those who know me well know that tears don't just come easily, so to be there on the floor tears just flowing... walls were coming down and God was revealing things to me I didn't know were there.
Thank you Jesus!!

God showed me that I can have an intimate relationship with Him.
He is my Father, He is my Abba Daddy, He is the one who takes care of me, nurtures me, loves me,
I always viewed God as in heaven.
now I see and feel and feel God the Father, my Abba Daddy right beside me.
He will sit with me at the riverside and listen to my heart.
I can climb in His lap and let Him hold me...
the Holy Spirit is right here with me, not just up in Heaven. 
His presence is with me, and more real to me than ever before.
so thankful that, that was revealed to me.

so then the rest of the day the teachings of the Holy Spirit made a way into my heart, soul and mind, and inter being like never before. to feel that feeling of warmth come over you and God speaking to me and telling me "I'm enough".
He loves me, I'm His daughter, I can trust Him, He will never leave me, and that He is well pleased with me, was amazing..
me as a girl/woman I always felt like I was not good enough, why would anyone want to know me, spend time with me, listen to what I have to say, I know that it came from me as a little girl wanting my moms approval, and no matter what I did, it was never enough. so I stopped trying, and let that damage ma and so I viewed women as people I couldn't trust and I did not let them get close to me, and my guard was always up. so when I walked in to a group of women immediately I could feel myself clamping up.
I felt like whatever I had to say didn't matter and they didn't care, my words would never be good enough.
God revealed it to me couple months ago that I needed to break free from that.
then this past weekend He helped me break free from that.
I now know and fully believe that I am good enough, because my Father loves me just the way I am...
I am good enough for him..
and I also realized that it was affecting my relationship with my husband. sometimes I did not fell like I was enough, and I came to realize that God loves me unconditionally, I am important to Him, I can trust Him, I am good enough for Him, and I am not a disappointment to Him, and I do not have to fear tomorrow or the future because He holds me in His hands.
so if I believe that with all my heart, and strive to live for God and have the Holy Spirit dwelling within me..
I know that I am enough for my husband, my daughter, my family, my friends, and the people I meet.

so I rejoice and praise God for this past weekend and for the people I got to meet, and for allowing God to work thru them.
because God touched and revealed many things in my heart and soul this past weekend.

so my advice to you is..
go and find good Godly people and surround yourself in them.
and let the Father be your Abba Daddy...

Time....

It gets away from me...
there is never enough of time in one day....

so how are we spending our time?
is it just another day?
and the time we spend with friends, family, and the people in our lives, do we spend our time with them getting to know that deep ache in their heart,
sharing in their joys,
celebrating with them,
sharing in their victories in their walk with God,
looking them in the eye and asking them, really how is life....

do we know that their lives are, joyful, empty, hurting, victorious, exciting, full, sad, overcoming.
do we truly know the people God has placed around us, do we know their hearts?
or are we letting time, get ahold of our days, do we tell ourselves we don't have time to stop and chat, have a coffee date, give an encouraging word.

or are we one of those that takes the time because we feel we should, so we spend time with people, but walk away not knowing what's going on in their personal life...
do we go to church to get something and walk right back out again, not giving someone the smile they needed,
an encouraging word,
did we look our brother and sister in the eye and ask them how their wknd is going or what their doing that day. not because that's how we start a conversation, but because we really care...
because we set our own time, (the time that God has given us) to get personal with someone.

time is precious, what are we doing with it..
it is a gift from God...
its glorious time!!

I want my time to be well spent, and like I was saying some days there doesn't seem to be enough of hours in my day,
but then some days aren't my best days, that's way God gives us a brand new day, every morning,
Praise the Lord!!
He gives us a new day, its our choice how we want to spend it....

with Christmas upon us, and I'm rushing around trying to get everything done... I realized that if I don't take time for myself, I feel drained and up tight, so if I meet someone in my busyness and my time that is being stretched and don't seem to have enough of, how will I respond?
it is ok to take time for yourself and rejuvenate...

so how are we going to spend our time...
are we just passing time?
or are we spending time gloriously... 

 

Have a wonderful Christmas!!

Shattered....

my life the past few days has been interesting...

God has been revealing things to me in ways that I'm not sure how to take, and I'm not sure that I'm ready for, I have to remind myself that God does not give us more than we can handle...
lately I have been wanting to get rid of anything in my life that is not from God, so I'm asked God to show me the things that I need to break free from, and to show me the things that I'm holding on to that I did not give to Him.

And show me He did!!

our God is faithful!!

He did not show me in the ways I expected or the things I expected..

my life was comfortable,
it was good,
it was easy,

I was living in a box...

I went to church and everything was there for me.
my friends, my family, and I got to spent time in worship with God.
I was comfortable living like this.
God showed me there's more to life than this...
and now that we attend another church, I have to make and effort to keep what's important to me- friends and family.
how much do my relationships mean to me, do they mean enough to me to set my things aside and make them work...
and yes I want to keep the relationships that I have build over the years.
so that was a flap open in my box.

and as I walk thru someone dear to me, and try to encourage them and get them to stay strong no matter what life throws at them. and to stand up and live out the role God gave them. it gets hard at times to not give up when they give up.
and then when God shows me things that come from that, things I need to face and break free from.
like physical touch...
I don't do well with that, I'm more comfortable just saying hi to someone, rather than walking across the room and giving them a hug.
and giving them a REAL hug too..
not just a off to the side hug that says nothing, but a hug that speaks love into their life, a hug that lets them know I care about their life. I love receiving those kinds of hugs!
I have a friend who every time I see her, that is the hug I receive... doesn't matter if we don't sit down and talk about life, I know she cares because of her hugs.
I want my daughter to grow up knowing what a hug or a touch feels like, I want her to be able to speak thru that when she has no words to describe the pain or joy she is feeling, I want physical touch to be a part of my family.

so that was another flap open in my box.

so when God showed me the things that I'm holding on to and need to overcome.
some days I would be totally ok with it, because I asked God to reveal them to me, and I know that victory follows!!
and then the next day I would dwell on it and get overwhelmed, thinking,
how can I get rid of all of this?
where do I begin?
if I get rid of this, am I ready for what's next?
and is it really that simple to just say, ok God I give it to you?
Gods grace and mercy is so big.
so YES its that simple!!! praise the Lord.

"that is why we never give up. though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. for our present troubles are small and won't last very long. yet they produce for us a glory that vastly out weighs them and will last forever." 2 Corinthians 4:16-17

and then this week God did not just open another flap in my box,  He SHATTERED it!!!

I feel vulnerable before him,
humbled,
but not scared.
He has taken my comfort zones and shattered them, wanting me to take His hand and trust Him. trust Him to bring Joy, Love, Comfort, into my life. to lead me down a new path.
I now have put my whole trust in Him, because I know that what ever He brings out of this, I need His help, I can not do it on my own.
                    "when in doubt, just take the next small step"

I love to picture this as us reaching out to God, and He is there to help us up...

 

 

going up the stairs is her new favorite thing to do,

 

 

 
 

 

may your week be blessed in many ways...