Performance...

am I driven by performance?
do I live by performance?
do you?

do I feel the need to seek approval from people in my life?
and who am I performing for and why?

do I seek approval from God?

the past week I have come to realize that I happen to perform for God, I want God's approval and love. I felt like I have to do things a certain way for God.
I have been listening to Casting Crowns "just be held" song, (amazing song), its say if your tired and on your knees with no answers, just be held...
I don't have to always figure it out and have the answers for it all, I can just allow God to hold me, to be His child..
to come before my Father broken, unfixed, complicated, wounded, frazzled...

because He loves me...

my Fathers love is hard for me to grasp, I could sit all day and talk about how He loves me/us.
He really and truly just wants us to love Him...(period)

we don't have to pray more,
give more,
love more,
worship more,
we don't have to perform for God to love us,
we just love Him with all our being.
that is beautiful and amazing!!
we don't have to do certain things for God to love us..
to receive the Fathers love we can just love and be held...

so does just loving God look big, does it look scary,
do you know how to love, truly and deeply love?
is your heart soft and vulnerable or is it hard and doesn't let anyone in?
do you feel emotions or do you not feel at all?

God created us to love and to be loved....

but do we know how?

were we hurt so many times in the past that its easier to not feel things so people cant hurt us, were we betrayed by those closest to us, so now we don't let anyone close, not even God...
were you ever told your beautiful?
that you arte special just because you are you?
have your parents, family, friends looked you in the eye and told you that you are loved...
or do you feel like you are living day by day, closed hearted and hurt...
are you the person who looks at the happy families at the grocery store, mall, restaurant and think 'if only', with a sad longing look on your face.

because you want more...
you want to be loved,
you want to feel loved,
you want to be/feel special,
you desire to be called beautiful...

God created us to have those desires, He created woman to desire those these things. did He create us to seek from others and the world these things?
it means a lot when my husband and family/friends let me know I am loved/special/beautiful...

but God the Father desires us to look to Him to be fulfilled...
He wants us to love Him...
to just love Him...

we want and long for others to just love us, to notice our hearts...
God wants the same thing from us, He wants us to love and cling to Him...
He is our all...
we don't have to perform for God,
He is our performer...

life your hands to the God who holds your heart....